Becoming a Sumo Wrestler!
Have you ever sat there and asked yourself why you spend your days at the gym and out jogging around rather than enjoying life, well you probably haven’t…because you’re too busy running around trying to sweat out calories. Stop with the mainstream guys, you’re are too caught up on losing weight and becoming ninjas. You still have time to turn your life around and enjoy it, reject the mainstream, BECOME A SUMO WRESTLER. Why bother sneaking around your enemies like ninjas when you can pound them them with your body. Rejecting the mainstream is cool, being cool means you have class, men with class get “dem’ ladies”, therefore becoming a Sumo Wrestler gets you women. Also, having more “body weight” means you can stay warm in the winter and people will want to hug you so…win, win. I will guide you through the steps needed to gain 300 pounds or kilos, however you like it, of lard.
First of all, your going to need to gain major pounds so quit your silly workout sessions, your body deserves some rest. Instead of waking up in the morning for a run, walk to your kitchen and stuff your face with what ever you find and head back to sleep till its time for Lunch. Now for Lunch, your going to want to over stuff your stomach with goodies. Mix what you wanted for breakfast with your lunch, make something epic. Remember this is serious stuff, so don’t go easy on yourself. Once your done, whip out some beer to wash it all down (for best results beer is good after every meal).
Now its time for a nap, you deserve one after all the work you put into eating! Post-Nap requires even more food as a snack, go get your self some ice cream or frozen yogurt, something extremely sugary. Rejecting the mainstream must feel so nice right about now, you are allowed to indulge into anything your stomach desires and still feel good about your self for trying to reach a goal.
Now its time for dinner what do you do? You eat out that’s what you do! Outside of your home are restaurants filled with calories waiting to be eaten. Don’t let them rot! EAT THEM! Before, I use to shy away from eating dessert or a giant dish at restaurants, and i’d usually just go home to eat an….apple….eewwww. NO MORE! Its time to indulge ourselves in what we want. Remember, grease is your friend and food.
Once your done with dinner, its time to sleep and restart the cycle tomorrow, try not to move around much and let all that food sit and melt away into your body. Next time, we will walk through the methods of wrestling.
WARNING: Methods to becoming a sumo wrestler requires many things from you including, your life, your money, your wife, your social life, and your waist 30 pants, we are not liable for anything….so….have fun.
****Note that I am merely here to for your entertainment, do not attempt these tricks, most of them are highly unhealthy and will negatively affect your health****
